I made this blog almost two years ago now. As I often do with new projects, I grew bored and just deleted everything, because I have this oh god I have to save my future self from the humiliation of reading this crap! complex going on.

I didn’t consider myself a “real” writer when I made this blog. I was just a – still am – a chick who happens to like writing, and had this idea I had to present myself a certain way to be valid – namely, as professional and help-y as possible. And I felt awful ’cause of it.

Screw that.

I’m a casual writer. Which means, I’m too lazy to write every day and I’m not insanely passionate about writing, not like I used to anyway. I write when I feel like it, sometimes write when I don’t, but otherwise lack the self discipline. I have no interest in getting published any time soon – if I did, it would be stuff I stick online.

I don’t believe that in order to call yourself a writer, you have to want to get published. I don’t think you even have to share the bloody thing, if that’s not what you want to do. I had this idea that if you were a writer, you had to want to get published – that it’s what writers do. And because I don’t have an interest in getting published, I thought I wasn’t really a writer. I was just somebody who wrote.

I don’t think so anymore.

I’m very stop-and-start. I don’t write every day. Yes, there are consequences for that. I don’t improve quickly, I often deal with writer’s block, stuff doesn’t get done, and my skill is mediocre at best and seems to have actually deteriorated.

But I’m okay with that. It’s what I want to do.

Too often I hear of people who want to pick up a new hobby – but don’t, because they’re not good at it. Of course they’re not good at it, they haven’t tried it yet! But I don’t think that in order to pick up a hobby, you have to have some talent or be good at it – you just have to enjoy the process. I like the process of writing, but lack the self discipline to do it every day, and prefer to write when I feel like it – so I do. I’m still a writer. But that means I’m not going to meet any deadlines or have a good career in selling paperbacks, which is just fine with me. A hobby can be just that – a hobby. It doesn’t need to be a full-blown passion you dedicate yourself to 24/7.

Just don’t expect yourself to be bloody brilliant if you approach it like I do.

I’m not even sure why I’m picking this blog back up again. Chances are, I’ll write this one post then let it gather dust again. I’m not going to commit myself to writing this several times a week. I’m the kind of person who lacks self discipline, who just follows her fancies where they lead her. Yes, that’s probably why I’m probably not going to amount to much, but it’s what makes me happy.  I don’t waste time beating my head against walls; I tend to leave them alone until I’m ready to tackle them again.

I’m writing it because I write casually, and I’m not ashamed of that. Right now I’m at a period in my life where I haven’t written much in over a year. The occasional short story, or drabble – but nothing substantial. I don’t write every day. I don’t think I should, because I don’t want to. Because of that my ability is poor, but if some people still enjoy it they’re more than welcome to read it.

I can tell you one thing, though – when I do write, I write a lot. Pure output. A few thousand words per hour. I’m a fast typist. I don’t waste time going back and fixing stuff along the way, because I save that for later.

And NaNoWriMo’s coming, so it’s writing season!

Maybe I’ll see you around, maybe I won’t. In any case, hang around if you don’t mind the crazy.